Dearest Heart,
I love you so.
Dearest heart,
You let me go.
And from the pain, 
The evil springs,
Ripping to shreds,
Many things.

Like love,
And Joy,
And Happiness.

Like peace,
And hope,
Can you give it a rest?

No I cant!
You ugly beast! 

You took away my everything!

as you sit laughing at my pain,
What oh what do u have to gain?
Is my tears not quite enough?
FUCK YOU HEART I CALL YOUR BLUFF!  

Told you,
you cant keep it up!

fake happiness is still pretty, pictures teach me how to cheat.

modeling fake smiles in the cool before the sun.

Cant keep it up though.... never could get it right.

Cramps and speculation

Dear Reader,
I am not trying to have a pity party over here, I am trying to survive.  So if It gets too dark just know its how I find my light.  I am a young one.  A mere 20 years to my life, but my soul aches like that of a grandmother for this world.
We are here, we are learning and growing everyday, and we keep expanding our knowledge of the universe, trying to prove there is something or someone else out there, but what if we really are alone in this?  Think about how close to death sleep is, and what if this whole thing is only a dream, and what if when we sleep we are dreaming within a dream, and that's how we discover layers within ourselves that we never knew existed.  what if the "rules" of society that define us are just the ideals instilled in the sub conscious of the dreamer, and when he or she wakes up, we are nothing but a memory that fades quickly from their mind, or hangs around for a day, in which they tell their friends about this wonderful, weird, scary and crazy dream they had the night before.
What if the reason there appears to be an "end of the universe" is because that is where the subconscious becomes conscious, and morals become actions.  What if the reason that we as humans pull together as often as we do, is because we are all part of the same eventual whole, that created us, and maybe the reason that we cant ever truly "forget a face" is because we are really all united.
what if each new era, and "awakening" or idealistic change, is not dependent on repeat history but on the day that the dreamer has had.  What if the reason that we believe in a creative God, is because we are part of a creative brain.  And as such, we are a dream, and the one is so much bigger than all of us little brain cells.
So what is suicide then? A cancer.  It is a cell turning against its self over and over, and no matter what the other cells try to do, its too late for that cell, and the infection spreads out from that cell first to those closest to it, and then to those further away.
What is murder? It is white blood cells taking over, and getting rid of cells deemed "unnecessary" right and wrong no longer matter because it is biology, and until it is time to eliminate more, theses cells are isolated from the others.
Why do some people have natural athletic talent? maybe because they were born to work.
Why are some naturally "bossy"? maybe because these "bosses" keep the brain alive.
So why pollution, or pain, or war.  this dreamer may be unhealthy, or maybe in our quest to be "God" and/or find "God" we have inadvertently, or subconsciously killed our host.
I dont know,
but food for thought.
-Crystal