Dear ___, I love you

burned my Arm, and refused to treat it.

It's a really ugly scar, now people ask about it.

Dearest _________ (insert your name here),
I love you.  I don't know you, and I don't know where you have been in this life, but I do know that you are a human, and that you have a beautiful soul.  I don't know your messed up past, and trust me I have one too, but I know that in the end, the bells will come for you.  (The Bells by Edgar Allan Poe) There are things that I wish that I had done, there are times that I wished I had been a better friend, that maybe then I would not feel like a turned my back as he plunged over the edge of despair.  My best friend, and the first real friend I have ever really thought about AFTER I cut him out of my life, after I thought I had preserved my heart, and then he died.  The effect of his death was like a tsunami, It was like getting hit by a moving wall of water ( a substance that is supposed to be fluid and forgiving) that feels like a wall made of bricks.  And then there were all those things I was trying to forget, the parts of my past that I just couldn't leave behind me where they belong, but kept dragging with me.  If I had to throw a party, I would, but it would resemble the read death as portrayed by my favorite Author of horror Mr. Edgar Allan Poe. The Masque of the Red Death 
As you can tell, every time I think that something is good, well there is always this dark and twisted, grotesque yet beautifully dead side to it.  See I could list all the ways that fixating on DEATH is BAD, or whatever, but all the therapists, and doctors already told you that.  What I am about to say might blow your mind though...
Death is NOT bad, it is NOT good.  It Just Is.
So why do we go around fearing it?  The doctors do.
Or longing for it? Don't lie, if you didn't you would not have gotten this far.
Death Is A Novelty BECAUSE It's Unknown!
Where do you go when you die?  Why do you die?  Do you "go" anywhere?  Is there a reason you are alive? Will you get to see your ______ (enter dead family member)? Is there a God? Is heaven real? What is Hell... haven't I been through it already?  Hell cant be that bad...  when I die, does my spirit float out into the universe and become a bright new star? I could go on forever, but I will stop because I HAD a point, and I am ABOUT to make it.
Life frickin' sucks, it has all these "bad" things in it, and we know what it is like to be alive, but DEATH is a novelty, and is thought of as an "escape" from life.  In reality: DEATH is unknown, you might end up right back her (shocked face) OR in Hell (whatever that means) OR Heaven (boring) or you can live your life knowing one thing:
You Will Get Hurt, But You ARE Strong, and YOU Can Make It.
Push On Soldier, Doctor, Nurse, Mom, Dad, Friend, Stranger or (inter random occupation or title)
YOU ARE AMAZING YOU HUMAN BEING YOU!
Love,
-Crystal

Brothers Sister

I found out that my close friend and someone i see as my sister is in the hospital. not because people at school bully her, but because her own brother bullies her, and her other brother passed away. Often in these cases people like blame the parents, but the saddest part is that he messages her out of the blue. He waits till she thinks it is all over and then he strikes again, and there is nothing the parents can do. So to all you who say "I can do that to her because she is my sister." think again... you might hurt her more than you know.
I apologize to all my sibs I have said that to, and may you always know that I love you unconditionally.

Life's Lessons

Life is like a loaded .50 Cal revolver. Only there is a single bullet that will end you and all the other stuff is unknown obstacles. You don't hold this hand gun, no, life does. You are a human, life shoots and aims true and you cant dodge the bullet, so you take it and push on. This is the pessimistic voice, but on the off day that my stronger self quiets the sobbing girl within me, I can see that life isn't the "bad guy" but the teacher of all teachers. And all life shoots me with are lessons. So cry on heart. I got this.
-Crystal.

Freed slaves creed:
I am a human not a possession of another human or master. 
I am a CHILD of the most high,and not a slave but a cherished living being. 
I am on this earth to LEARN not to be protected from life lessons others deem unsavory or unnecessary.
I am Woman: a species Man has never understood but has attempted to dominate. 
I am a spiritual being.
I will submit my mind/heart/body to whom I chose, where I chose, when I chose.
Lets make purple.
---Crystal---

Intro To Me and my post Purpose

 Post Number 1:

Poetry and other things- Dealing with Depression Productively

This name:

One day I sat with my friend in his room, and we were talking about the past.  As we were talking I began to cry, and feel sorry for myself.  He told me something I will never forget: Just Because Someone LOOKS happy DOESN'T mean they are.  They are in they same pile of shit you are, they just hide it better.  Maybe they really ARE happy tough, and maybe you just need to suck it the fuck up.  I think you should write you are good at it, and years from now you can think you are depressed, but you will look back on the writing you did today, and say to your self... no, no I am NOT depressed.  So here goes.

A tiny bit about me:

I was adopted and my name was changed, from Crystal to Madisun, on this blog I WILL Sign all of my writings as Crystal.

Now, lets deal with some shit shall we?

Welcome to my Blog,

And thank you,

Crystal Destiny Brown